A View Askew

(Or: Did the Dinosaurs See the Comet?)

        Aug 2014                                                                                                 Issue 16

This Isn’t So Hard!

As I was texting and driving the other day * it occurred to me that this isn’t so hard. What’s the big deal about taking your eyes off the road for a couple seconds to send or receive a really important text message? I mean we do this all the time and nothing bad ever happens – sheesh!

                                    You know people have been drinking and driving for many years and yet only about 30% of accidents are caused by drunk driving. Crap, that leaves 70% caused by sober people being stupid!  (Okay, so maybe a few of them are also people checking their email while entering a freeway but what the heck, that seems like a small price to stay informed.) In point of fact, over 25% of accidents are caused by distracted driving (look for that number to go up!)

I mention the entering freeway thing because every day I take a walk and often go down a walkway alongside the entrance to Hwy 394 from Penn Ave near downtown Mpls. I usually pause just to look at the cars and drivers not 10’ from me. I am always rewarded with a friendly view of at least 50% of the drivers are either actively texting or simply staring at their phones in some sort of electronic, slack jawed trance; I can only assume that it is more important than entering a busy freeway.

Even if you don’t drive and text or read emails (by the way, it is actually illegal to be connected to the internet while driving in Minn.) talking isn’t really a lot better, hands free or not. A little test: the next time you talk on the phone while driving - after you disconnect or get home - try to recollect ANYTHING from the drive. I suspect that you wouldn't even recall seeing a naked person! 

A public service memo from Dear Leader to you.

This is only minute and half but eye opening!

Volkswagen - Text and Drive

* Okay I wasn’t really texting; I’m not nearly dexterous enough to even attempt it while driving.

Special Remembrance

Go Gently into That Good Night, Marlys 

                  Mrs Dear Leader and her recently departed mom, Marlys (taken a "few” years ago.)

It has been a tough year for Mrs. Dear Leader (in fact, a bad couple years.) She recently lost her mom just 5 months after her dad passed. On the other hand, perhaps it was a blessing to avoid a lingering illness with the same final outcome assured. As with most families, the wife and mother is the sun around which the family rotates for everything important. In Marlys’ case it was not just family but extended family. And not just extended family but a huge galaxy of friends. And not just friends but a community held together by her faithfulness and dedication to her home town from which she never lived more than 5 miles in her entire 85 years. The consummate wife, mother and hostess, she is an extraordinary woman. Sorry, was – it’s very difficult to think that this force of nature is gone. She was a fount of knowledge especially of the history of the local area and all the people there. And she was fierce in her dedication to the truth – do NOT ask a question if you can’t handle the truth!  A quick anecdote: a very good friend of mine and I were visiting their lovely home on Lake Independence a few years ago. My friend is, shall we say, like me, a mature fellow. In any event, upon learning that Paul and Marlys spent a good deal of time in Cabo San Lucas every winter, my friend offered that he and his son were going to attend a surfing camp near Cabo that winter. Marlys, in her inimitable – but gentle – manner said, “My, aren't you a little long in the tooth for that?” Ah, Marlys, always the truth! I have been a very blessed man; I have had two sets of in laws and I loved all of them – and I think they at least tolerated me. It’s always tough to watch your parents and in laws pass on, leaving . . .  you as the next chapter in the big book of life. It’s especially hard when someone like Marlys, who seems indestructible, leaves us taking more than just their breath from us. Her impeccable taste and grace will be greatly missed. Great sigh. A final story that gives you an even better feel for the type person she was. A few days before my mom (Irene) passed away three years ago, Marlys visited her in the nursing home as she often did. On that occasion, knowing that the end was near, as she left Mom for the last time she found the perfect words as she usually did. She bent low and whispered “Good night, Irene.”  For that simple act of kindness alone Marlys earned my undying love and affection.   Hush; dear Marlys has gone home. She, C Paul and their many friends enjoyed dancing to this tune at their many house parties on Lake Independence - how about one more?! Taste of Honey Herb Alpert Short Takes

Dog Days

Alas, we are entering the dog days of summer once again. You know, those long, languid days when the lakes begin to get a little soupy (although with all the rain this year who knows about that) and we get a little short tempered about the heat (okay, again this year, maybe not.) And we start to get ever so slightly tired of mowing and watering. (Okay, I get a little tired of that stuff.)

In ancient Rome, where the idea of dog days came from, they started roughly July 24 and ran through August 24^th. Back then this was about when the star Sirius rose in the morning and was by the far the brightest star in the sky and, to them, seemed like another sun that made it hotter. Ha ha ha, can you believe how dumb those old Romans were to believe that?! Everybody knows it’s because the earth is so much closer to the sun now. No, wait. Okay, never mind.

Anyway, so do you know what happens at the end of Dog Days, at least here in Minnesota? The State Fair. Do you know what happens after the state fair? Bwah ha ha - just wait until the next newsletter!

Speaking of dogs, how about this. I had always heard that this song was about a guy who had to leave his dog behind because of a new wife . . .

Robert John Sad Eyes 1979

Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t  but it’s damn great song - love that falsetto!

“Ism’s” and Other Expressions Made Easy

Do you get tired of seeing expressions that you don’t really understand? Well this is for you!

SOCIALISM                                                                        BUREAUCRATISM  
You have two cows.                                                       You have two cows.
You give one to your neighbor.                                 The State takes both.
Both cows stop giving milk                                          Milks one, shoots the other,                                                                                                                                        then throws the milk away.  

                                                                               
COMMUNISM                                                                 CAPITALISM
You have two cows.                                                       You have two cows.
The State takes both                                                     You sell one and buy a bull.
and gives you some milk.                                            The herd multiplies and the economy grows.
                                                                                              You sell the herd and retire on the income.

FACISM                                                                               NAZISM  
You have two cows.                                                       You have two cows.                                                     The State takes both and sells you some milk.   The State takes both and shoots you.

SURREALISM  
You have two giraffes
The Government requires you to take harmonica lessons. 

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.                                                  Later, you hire an expensive consultant to analyze why the cow                                                        has dropped dead.  

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights of seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns all eight cows with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.  

BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.  

FRENCH CORPORATION                                INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.                                       You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot and       You worship both of them.
block the roads.  
Because you want three cows.

ITALIAN CORPORATION                                   RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.                                          You have two cows.
But you don't know where they are.         You count them and learn you have five cows.
You decide you really must have lunch.   You count them again and realize you have 42 cows.                                                                                      You stop counting and open another bottle of vodka.

IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them you have none.
No one believes you so they bomb and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are part of a Democracy.  

New Songs for Old Farts

Who knew that one of my old fart friends had good taste in new music!

One Republic Counting Stars

Note: the new song I shared last issue, “Wake Me Up” was used as a theme song for the British Open Golf Tournament last weekend – can I pick music or what?! (Or as Mrs Dear Leader says, “Must everything come back to golf?” Yes, yes it does!)

Things That I Think About 

The Supreme Court, the Constitution . . . and You

I was going to comment on a recent Supreme Court ruling, many of which have been controversial (depending on your point of view) but decided that it was a fool’s errand. Although I am often a fool, Dear Leader is not going down that road today.

Through the years the Supreme Court has been called upon to interpret various laws passed by Congress and the states according the Constitution: Brown V Board of Education (segregated schools), Roe V Wade (abortion), Bush V Gore (knuckleheads for president) and more recently Citizens United (corporations are people for the sake of campaign donations) and very recently Burwell V Hobby Lobby (religious freedom for corporations.) You know what? I was going to weigh in on some these with my own thoughts – and that would be the fool’s errand. In the end, some I agree with and some I don’t - and that’s that true for all of us. It really has little to do with the Constitution or what nine constantly changing justices think; we agree or disagree depending on our own ideology or beliefs. Here’s what I think: that’s what the justices are doing too. What, do you believe they are imbued with the superhuman ability to know what the writers were actually thinking and just objectively rule? Ha!

We all hold the Constitution in the highest regard and rightly so because it has served our country so well for 240 years. Yet it is just a piece of paper written by a bunch of (mostly) old, white guys a long time ago who would probably be shocked that we still adhere (or try to adhere) to it for this long.  It’s been amended 27 times so it’s not as if they thought of everything.

James Madison and Alexander Hamilton were among the main authors (Thomas Jefferson had little to nothing to do with it, he was in France.) and even these guys had some doubts about several of the things other guys placed in there. Yet, oddly, we kind of treat it like the Bible. (Oh wait, very few people actually treat the Bible like the Bible!) Anyway, you get my drift; it makes one wonder if Madison (or Jefferson) would have thought that corporations (of which there were few) were actually people and that the First Amendment gave them the right to free speech or religious freedom. Or if the Second Amendment allowed people to bear their own bazooka or tank. I don’t know but the Supreme Court thinks it knows and that’s what counts.

I guess my main point here is to try and think about what it means to have a group of black robed priests justices interpreting something written so long ago when the U.S had around 3 million people, consisted of 13 states huddled on the eastern seaboard and was made up mostly of farmers (and, of course, the occasional slave.) Ultimately, the Supreme Court is going to be following their beliefs about the authors’ idea of what he constitution meant . . . but it’s really only a guess.

The Constitution and Supreme Court ruling have worked pretty well all these years but you have to wonder if the outcomes from their decisions have: 1) just been luck or, 2) it doesn’t matter what they rule. (Both are frightening.)

Whatever. Let’s hope it keeps working for another 240 years!

For another opinion on the Constitution click on this:

Update the Constitution?

More Things That I Think I Think About 

Kodaks, Love Letters and History

As Mrs. Dear Leader has been going through her parent's papers she has come across a treasure trove of letters, among them a bunch between her uncles and her mom and grandparents. The uncles were both in the military during WWII and saw combat in the Pacific. So what, you say, a lot of people served and wrote letters. Here’s what: when was the last time that you received a hand written – a well written letter? I’ll bet it’s been a while. 

These guys were serving on navy war ships that were getting bombed and strafed yet they found the time to write letters to their siblings and parents. And these letters didn’t contain the incoherent mumblings that we get from so many young men (and ladies) today; these letters were almost eloquent in their description of life on board and at war. When telling of the bombing of his ship, one of the uncles made you feel like you were there. Remarkable. And these were not some Ivy Leaguers, just average young guys; high school graduates from Mound Minnesota, who were clearly very bright and very good writers (I have real soft spot for people who can write well.) These letters were a delight to read, made more human by the occasional, “Dad, can you send me ten bucks for which I will gladly repay you soon!”

As an aside here, we all think of these men as part of the “Greatest Generation” and they certainly were but it wasn't just the people that served, it was also the folks at home as well. For example, in this case, the letters went, at first, from asking for money to eventually enclosing money for good old mom and dad. What the young men didn't know, and later discovered (with much pain,) was that good old mom and dad had had to sell the car and other things to support themselves – and to keep sending send them ten bucks when they asked. I’m pretty sure this wasn't the only family that went through this - Greatest Generation indeed.  

When was the last time you sent a letter? I personally can’t remember any except maybe a “thank you” card. I’m not the first to recognize that letter writing has become a lost art but something like this brings home just how much it will be missed if it totally disappears.

Separately but related, I read a book a while ago by Doris Kearns Goodwin called “Team of Rivals.” It was about Lincoln’s wartime cabinet which was made up of a lot of guys who disagreed with Lincoln on a lot things (can you imagine that happening today?!) The more important point Goodwin makes is that we know so much about all these people because they wrote tons of letters. Lincoln himself, even while managing a war, wrote several letters a day to friends and family as well as for work. Somehow he and they found the time to write (yet we’re too busy?) This is how historians for centuries have pieced together . . . history.

So what will the future hold if no one writes anything? I suppose a Tweet counts and maybe a few emails or even a blog but somehow I have my doubts. What will historians have to dig though to figure out what happened between and among the famous and not so famous? I know somehow it will work out but it won’t be the same; I think a lot of intimacy in detail and personal interaction will be lost. And what about pictures?

As with my parents passing when we found a ton of pictures, so too has Mrs Dear Leader. “Who is that goofy looking guy? Oh that’s crazy Uncle Herb!”  “Where were we on this vacation?” “Ah yes, Gooseberry Falls!” Like everyone else, I haven’t taken a picture with a regular camera in years. Where are the pictures I have taken? Well, I have some in “albums” but mostly they’re stuffed in a drawer somewhere. But I have pictures!

So what pictures will my kids and grandkids have to laugh at? Who will take their digital photos and put them in their digital album? Again, I know it will work out but there’s just something about holding an old black and white photo in your hands and simply drifting back in time.

We all know that you can’t hold back change and progress but what we often forget is that all change is not progress nor is all change necessarily good. So let me pine a little for the past and lament the passing things of my youth for just a bit.

Maybe I’ll write my kids a letter and tell them where to look for the pictures of their crazy dad.

Ah, the appropriate song.

Paul Simon Kodachrome

Dougie’s Doggerel for Everyone!

Considering the Final Bullet

(P. Phred Parkenfarker, 2001)

Considering the final bullet,

            like the women of the fort;

            running out of options

                        to make some sense of night.

It’s the dead-end street

            in a bad part of town;

            wonder how I got there

                        with no place left to go.

I’m not sure what the question is

            let alone the answer.

            I am sure it doesn’t matter;

                        I won’t like how it ends.

It’s bad hating your choices;

            Worse, no one else finds them hard.

            Taught always, do the right thing,

                        Rather right or wrong for you.

Which pain is worse;

             guilt or loneliness?

            Run away or stay in prison -

                        How did we ever get to this place?

Considering the final bullet

            like the women of the fort.

            Act of courage, act of cowardice?

                        Someone, please make the choice.  

And music to enjoy(?) with it . . . Eagles Take it to the Limit

As always, thanks for reading and perhaps having less than murderous thoughts about Dear Leader’s thoughts. 

Thank you also for sharing the link with your thoughtful friends – and be happy you have them!

In the meantime . . .

 “Be a good citizen of your world ”

              Boy oh boy, I wonder how long it will take me to work my way up to CEO?!

. . . and don’t be a dope.

Quote Du Jour

                      “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

A View Askew is the sole property of D Roger Pederson, Mpls MN. You may forward without special permission but if you want to use anything here for your own purposes please send me a request at dpeders2002@gmail.com.

A View Askew