A View Askew

(Or: Did the Dinosaurs See the Comet?)

        (Late) May 2014                                                                     Special Issue 12A

Ha - I Got Your STEM Right Here!

Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (STEM). Yeah, everyone should go to school for that (sneer.) Dear Leader, using cold, hard facts shows how untrue that is. Besides, if everyone goes all sciencey and mathy where are we going to get our students for the Advanced Studies of Late Middle Age Men or Master’s of Golf Art? Huh? Bet they didn't think about that when they started making everybody do hard stuff in school!

Anyway, the astute among you will note that this is a coozie so not only does it make a brilliant educational statement but it has a practical use (unlike that STEM stuff.) More importantly, it has never had to sink to the level of keeping a beer cold – it's just right for keeping a Solo cup with an appropriate mixture of vodka and ice at the perfect temperature. 

 

You find your way to success and happiness and I’ll find mine – mmm hmm mmm hmm.

Issue 12A Notes

This will be a kind of a shotgun issue because there is so much ground to cover what with May's special days like Mother’s (past) and Memorial (future) so I hope you will bear with me as I careen from one thing to the next. Oh, that’s right, that’s what I usually do.

Short Takes

Dumb Ways to Die

I don’t know why but I am endlessly fascinated by the antics of the human species, always trying really hard to prove that Darwin was right (I mean he was right but . . . oh never mind.) This YouTube was created by the Melbourne, Australia Transit Authority to try and get people to pay attention around trains. It is whimsical and damn cute! (Not sure if it kept anyone from falling on the tracks though.)

Dumb Ways to Die

If a Tree Falls in a State Park and No One is there to Hear it, Does it Make a Sound?

I was listening to MPR recently. (Wait, whoa there! I know, I know, but I promise I went back to “1280 the Patriot” right after the story so hang with me!)  Anywho, the lefty network was interviewing the new Head of the Minnesota State Park system and there were some interesting and disturbing revelations. First, of course, was how to accommodate the new generation of campers with such things as (you know what’s coming next) WiFi and gourmet coffee. I kid you not – how can you commune with nature without a Smartphone and a good cuppa joe?!

There was other silliness too but then there was this rather disturbing thought: attendance is dropping a little every year (maybe for those important reasons above?) so what does the future of parks look like? I mean, at what point would we have to start shutting down parks because so few people use them? And then what? Can you imagine Minnesota without Itasca State park or Gooseberry Falls? More importantly, what would the people of Minnesota look like if we no longer connected with nature in any meaningful way? Oh well, I'm sure they'll make an app for that.

All I can say is that I am doing my part by dropping vast sums of money at golf courses. That counts, right?

Put Down that Phone

As an appropriate follow up to the item above I offer this (link below.) I have been haranguing about this for several years but this guy does it a lot better. You may have seen this already - I think it has gone viral - but thought I’d share for those that might not have seen it.

Apropos of stupid use of a phone, I take a walk every night and one of my routes takes me down a walkway that is next to the entrance to Interstate 394 from Penn Ave – always a nightmare. In any event, invariably I will note a minimum of 50% of the people actively texting or staring at their phone . . . as they prepare to merge onto a busy, freaking freeway! (And the rest are talking on theirs.) If you are among those doing this please go back to Dumb Ways to Die and add it to the list. Thank you for not texting and driving.

Put Down That Phone

Finally This

Have you heard of The Villages in FL? It’s one of the largest retirement communities in the state – if not the galaxy! It has something like 10,000 people and 30 golf courses. Sooo a quiz about the Villages.

Which of these things is not like the others??

- Retirees

- Golf

- Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD)

- Early dinners

If you said golf you are incorrect! Don’t let all those golf carts fool you – there may be snow on the roof but there’s still fire in the furnace!

Apparently the geezers (and geezerettes) aren’t playing golf or shuffle board all the time; the Villages allegedly has one of the highest rates of STD in the state. Who knew?! I’m torn between being proud of those folks and appalled.

It does beg the question though: who is giving what to whom? Explain THAT to the kids!

Things That I Think About 

Memorial Day Thoughts

“War is young men dying and old men talking. You know this. Ignore the politics.”                 Odysseus to Achilles in the movie,"Troy." 

"I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in."                   George McGovern, WWII hero, US Senator and Presidential candidate.

I have been accused by some of becoming a pacifist in my later years. Probably so. I have a lot more to say about war and patriotism but now is not the time.

"Thoughts on Taps.” I have posted this in various places on Memorial Day for several years. To those of you that have read it before and grow weary, I apologize.  To everyone else, I hope that you accept it for what it is, my personal opinion.

I can’t listen to Taps and not tear up. It doesn’t matter how many times I hear it I always cry a little. Oddly, I’m not sure sometimes why I’m crying. Is it because of the magnificent mournful sound that so perfectly matches the feeling of saying farewell to a warrior? Or am I crying for all the loved ones left behind – the millions and millions over the years? Sometimes, I think I'm crying for something else; maybe I’m crying for myself.

That may sound silly, or worse, completely selfish and maybe it is. Yet I can’t help the feeling that ultimately I’m crying because Taps reminds me that the world never seems to change for the better. No matter how many heroes – and they are heroes - pay the ultimate price, war always demands more from us. Worse, it is always our young that it craves. Worst of all, we proudly offer them up. 

Maybe I’m sad that someone somewhere will always be able to make complete strangers kill each other for the same reasons over and over. It is like an eternal WWI battle that rages on the same, small piece of ground in perpetuity. This piece of ground is a devastated moral landscape that refuses to learn any lessons that might spare our youth. Instead one generation, like some militant Sisyphus, pushes the rock of war up one side of the hill only to have it roll back on the next. No matter how just, proud sounding or righteous that rock is, it still remains a monument to all the worst aspects of we poor, belligerent humans. That should make us all sad. 

I spent 28 years in the military and my son has also served honorably; I am proud of our time in the service. Someday Taps will be played for both of us - but it isn't that which makes me sad. It is knowing that melancholy song will need to be played for endless future generations that will always make me cry. For that I am not ashamed. 

Other thoughts on Memorial Day.

Every year on May 5^th - “Liberation Day” - the people of the Netherlands pay their respects and say thanks to the thousands of American and other allies who died freeing them from the Nazi’s. The celebration always ends with “ll Silenzio,” a memorial piece commissioned by the Dutch and first played on the 20th anniversary of Holland’s liberation in 1965. The link below is to a performance of that song done on a previous celebration and features a 13 year old Dutch girl trumpet player. I think you will recognize a very familiar tune as the core of the song.

More importantly, hopefully we in this country don’t need a reminder from the Dutch that our Memorial Day is more than picnics and opening the cabin.  

Please take the time to view and listen to this.
(Oh by the way, be sure you have a hanky or some Kleenex nearby.)

Dutch Liberation Day ll Silenzio 

More Things That I Think I Think About 

Mother’s of the World . . . Unite?

Since we’re in a maudlin mood (okay, I’M in a maudlin mood) how about something to cheer us up.

For most sentient beings Mother’s Day brings us a lot of pleasant memories of mom (unless, I guess, if you were Joan Crawford’s kid.) If you are lucky enough to still have your mom on this side of the grass you better have spent time with her!

This is especially true for guys. Question: whenever you see guys at sports events on TV, how many times do you see them yelling “Hi dad!” (?) You are correct; roughly, zero. And that’s okay, mom’s are special. 

                                  Ma and "her boys" circa 1958 (Who is the handsome lad on the left?)

                                     (Full disclosure: we have a sister who mom kind of liked too.)

My mom was what would be described today as a pistol. Okay, she was an ass kicker – but in a good way. She ruled the house - but most moms I knew did.  She was a great bowler and loved all sports to the day she died. She wasn’t shy about giving waiters who gave poor service a good piece of her mind - but she also had an astounding sense of humor. Gardening - don't ask! Her flowers were the love of her life (next to Marv, of course.) And she was a stickler for manners. Folks that knew me in high school know my mom was the commander in chief of the lunch counter at the Garden Center bowling alley in beautiful downtown Alexandria. Woe unto the guy that sat at her counter with a hat on and tried to eat – she’d pop it off with a flick of a finger in a heartbeat! (To this day I can not STAND to see a guy wearing a hat indoors or eating with a hat on? Grrrrrrr!)

Besides that, one of my favorite memories was mom tricking us into taking a nap by making a game of it. She would have us draw pictures with our fingers on her back; if she could guess what it was there would be prizes. Of course, she got a free back scratch and not a single prize was ever awarded since we were all asleep in no time. 

Finally, I guess the memory that sticks with me the most, however, was when I had a particularly tough day she would sing this very lovely song that I only recently dredged up (thank you Google!)

I can still hear her today over sixty years later . . .

Little man, you're crying, I know why you're blue
Someone took your kiddy car away
Better go to sleep now, little man, you've had a busy day

Johnny won your marbles, tell you what we'll do
Dad'll get you new ones, right away
Better go to sleep now, little man, you've had a busy day

You've been playing soldier, the battle has been won
The enemy is out of sight
Come along there soldier, put away your gun

The war is over for tonight

Time to stop your scheming, time your day was through
Can't you hear the bugle softly say?
Time you should be dreaming, little man, you've had a busy day
Little man, you've had a busy day

Songwriters                                                                                                                                      Maurice Sigler; Mabel Wayne; Al Hoffman

Wish I could scratch your back one more time, mom.

Perry Como Little Man You've Had a Busy Day

I hope you remembered your favorite Mom memories on Mother's Day (at least.)

Dougie’s (NOT) Doggerel for Everyone!

In keeping with the Memorial Day theme, I offer one of the greatest poems ever written about the military (and the fickleness of society during times of peace.) I wonder if, now that our never-ending wars are winding down, we'll have our own version of "Tommy" (Again.)

Tommy

Rudyard Kipling

I went into a public-'ouse to get a pint o' beer,

The publican 'e up an' sez, "We serve no red-coats here."

The girls be'ind the bar they laughed an' giggled fit to die,

I outs into the street again an' to myself sez I:

    O it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, go away";

    But it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play,

    The band begins to play, my boys, the band begins to play,

    O it's "Thank you, Mister Atkins", when the band begins to play.

I went into a theatre as sober as could be,

They gave a drunk civilian room, but 'adn't none for me;

They sent me to the gallery or round the music-'alls,

But when it comes to fightin', Lord! they'll shove me in the stalls!

    For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, wait outside";

    But it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide,

    The troopship's on the tide, my boys, the troopship's on the tide,

    O it's "Special train for Atkins" when the trooper's on the tide.

Yes, makin' mock o' uniforms that guard you while you sleep

Is cheaper than them uniforms, an' they're starvation cheap;

An' hustlin' drunken soldiers when they're goin' large a bit

Is five times better business than paradin' in full kit.

    Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, 'ow's yer soul?"

    But it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll,

    The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,

    O it's "Thin red line of 'eroes" when the drums begin to roll.

We aren't no thin red 'eroes, nor we aren't no blackguards too,

But single men in barricks, most remarkable like you;

An' if sometimes our conduck isn't all your fancy paints,

Why, single men in barricks don't grow into plaster saints;

    While it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Tommy, fall be'ind",

    But it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind,

    There's trouble in the wind, my boys, there's trouble in the wind,

    O it's "Please to walk in front, sir", when there's trouble in the wind.

You talk o' better food for us, an' schools, an' fires, an' all:

We'll wait for extry rations if you treat us rational.

Don't mess about the cook-room slops, but prove it to our face

The Widow's Uniform is not the soldier-man's disgrace.

    For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' "Chuck him out, the brute!"

    But it's "Saviour of 'is country" when the guns begin to shoot;

    An' it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' anything you please;

    An' Tommy ain't a bloomin' fool -- you bet that Tommy sees!

Doors - Unknown Soldier

(Do you ever wonder why we haven’t had more war protest songs over the past  several years? I think I’ll think about that.)      

Well, I Can’t Do Much More Damage So I Guess That’s It! Thanks for Reading (and listening.)

 “Be a good citizen of your world ”

. . . and don’t be a dope.

Quote Du Jour

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

A View Askew is the sole property of D Roger Pederson, Mpls MN. You may forward without special permission but if you want to use anything here for your own purposes please send me a request at dpeders2002@gmail.com.

A View Askew