A View Askew

(Or: Did the Dinosaurs See the Comet?)

        Nov 2014                                                                                                Issue 20

Well this is getting old . . .

A Bad Year for Deaths Just Got Worse

Our gang of golf geezers just lost another one of our own, Bill “Fergy” Ferguson. A truly good guy, it was my distinct pleasure and honor to serve in the air force with him as well as play many, many rounds of golf. And not a round would go by without a story from him about long lost exploits either in the military, flying for Cargill Corp or golf with us knot heads.

The odd thing about this is that he wasn’t sick. He just went in to have a heart valve replaced (perhaps “just’ is the wrong adverb – having your chest cut open is never “just” anything) but then something did go wrong after the successful surgery. This really isn’t right. Perhaps the moral to the story is that when you get to a certain age perhaps you should only go to a hospital kicking and screaming. This really sucks.

Our golf outing next year will be a somber affair now with two guys missing in the formation - at least at first. Then, of course, we will start telling stories about our missing comrades, who would be very disappointed in us if we dwelled on their passing, and we will move on with the hilarity and staying up til all hours - or 10 o’clock whichever comes first. We will sorely miss the Fergy Hop after every putt and the mouth trombone to accompany it - and yeah, those damn yellow golf balls! (I’ll try to get everyone to use them next year’s at the golf outing)

I told my friends some time ago that the next ten years are going to be very crappy. I just had no idea it would start this soon.

 

See you at the 19^th Hole, Fergy!

Mini Thoughts on the World

Say a Temporary Goodbye to the View

I have decided that this will be the second to the last View Askew. No, it’s not that I’ve run out of ideas or time (well, eventually I will run out of one of those two things.) I have decided that I need to get off my butt and finally publish the book I have long talked about, pondered, putzed with . . . and put off. 

I have contacted several publishers and many are very excited. Well actually, no one was but have I ever let lack interest in what I write stop me? No! In any event, you insiders will have the first opportunity to purchase (or be forced to take) said book before I go on my neighborhood-wide book tour. 

And fear not. I will not abandon you to your fates with the winter solstice approaching so hang in there until I can come up with an appropriate incantation. See you in December with a blockbuster issue!

To Vote or Not to Vote

In today’s Star Tribune (10/26) there was a fine commentary by DJ Tice about low voter turnout. He relates that his mom, 90, doesn’t really pay much attention or vote anymore. His original opinion is that if that’s the case it is probably a good idea that she doesn’t vote. In fact, he surmises, maybe it’s not a bad idea that a LOT of people don’t vote if they don’t really know what’s going on. He then quotes the results of a survey done by Pew that shows that a large cross section of Americans don’t really have a clue about anything (the average was something like 5 out 12 right on basic questions about America.) As it turns out, his mom got 10 of 12 right in the same survey. As he says, yikes, she needs to vote! (Assuming she’s allowed to without a picture ID or some other voter suppression thing that some are trying to impose.) 
    

I have thought about this a lot too. In places like Iraq and Afghanistan 70-80% of the people vote - and they might get blown up! And we’re lucky if 50% vote - and maybe's that's a good thing. Here’s my current opinion: if the uninformed dummies of the country are going to vote – which is their right – then those of us that are at least familiar with what the three branches of our government are and where North America is located on a map really need to vote too.

If you are smart enough to grasp most of the nonsense in the View then you need to go the freaking polls on Tues, okay?! Okay.

Darwin Awards

Some of you may be familiar with the Darwin Award. It is a humorous award made every year to those people who have made the gene pool that much stronger by their passing.(Please no political jokes.) Also these are people who might have been voters too!

Anyway here are some doozies.

2009 (5 September 2009, Oregon) Jake reached the summit of Saddle Mountain, and then and there he informed his friends that he planned to make a controlled slide down the cliff face. He would meet up with them in the parking lot or on the trail below.

Some folks are satisfied with the risks and rewards of dune sliding, and the chance of a 150-foot broken-limb tumble. Not Jake. The 18-year-old decided to 'git-r-dun' down a thousand-foot cliff, instead. He slid pell-mell down the escarpment--and what was intended to be a controlled rockslide ended abruptly 1000 feet below the summit, when his body came to rest in a steep ravine.

Friends were shocked. "We are shocked," they said, "because he is always doing stuff like this and coming out smiling."

2010 Who would park the car on a busy freeway in heavy fog, for a quickie?

That's the whole picture: A young couple, driving along Via Dutra, the largest freeway in Brazil with tons of heavy traffic, at 6AM under heavy fog. The couple decided that this was the time to park (for "dating" according to the charming Google translation) and, yes, they parked on the freeway in the right-hand lane, not on the shoulder, the median, or at a gas station. Naturally, given time a cargo truck encountered a "speed bump," instantly killing both -- during the act of procreation -- double-double Darwin Award! (2) people making (2) obviously bad decisions, and natural selection acts at the very moment the two are reproducing. Textbook!

Double Darwin Award (another twofer!) for Natural Birth Control as Practiced on a Balcony Railing.

(10 June 2014, London, England) Humans who aspire to high levels of desire may join the "mile-high club" yet our dreams of sex in high places also have couples eyeing more accessible heights such as rooftops and romantic balconies. Balcony balls are a common sight for neighbors across from Knights Tower, an apartment high-rise on the bank of the Thames river in South London. The city lights sparkling on the surface of the waters are irresistible to lovers, and neighbors have seen people on the balcony doing all sorts of things.On a warm Tuesday night in the summertime, a hot couple was observed kissing and frolicking as they engaged in sex on a sixth-floor balcony. Some neighbors closed their drapes while others enjoyed the entertainment, each according to his inclination. It was the usual reality programming for the neighborhood.A party was going on inside the flat. When people came out onto the balcony the couple would stop their game, only to resume playing the moment they were alone on the balcony. "The last thing I expected was to see them falling down five floors," said one observer, but "the guy was lifting the girl and putting her on the bannister, he kept on doing it, they were going back and forth," and suddenly the amorous hotties were balls up and over the railing.Natural birth control -- the couple did not survive the fall.

The purpose of this section? None really, I just like to read things like this to convince myself that I'm not as stupid as a lot of people say I am. Although that last item above has crossed my mind on occasion. (I mean when I was younger. And dumber. A long time ago. I'm smarter now. Really.)  

Nicely tying this with the voting commentary . . . Darwin and Survival of the Stupidest

Cognitive Dissonance

What do you make of these two headlines, days apart, in the Minneapolis fishwrap?

First, “Boom town: Record number of restaurants open in 2014.” A few days later, “When Chef’s Wages Can’t Put Food on the Table.” The first one obviously is about the incredible number of new – and, no doubt, upscale – restaurants opening in Mpls. The second, less fun one, is about the fact that the Minneapolis Community and Technical College is closing its culinary arts program, it’s very popular culinary arts program.  It’s not that they don’t have enough students, they have a waiting list; it’s because – wait for it! – the graduates can’t get jobs that pay enough to pay back their loans! That’s right, folks, there are plenty of jobs for the graduates but they pay on average twelve bucks an hour. I’d go back to school for that, how about you?!

So while people are busy opening restaurants all over town (and that’s not a bad thing) apparently, unless you’re the owner/fantastic chef, the cooking help - the help that went and paid for a two year degree - is getting paid very little above minimum wage to put the food on the table. Hmmmmm, anyone else see a problem with this? Well, you say, that will teach them to follow their dream into something they really love but nobody wants to pay for! What do you think this is, America! Oh never mind . . .

 Actually, there is a even bigger problem: this is happening in a lot fields across all industries. And you know what the stock answer is? Go back to school! Get some training in something with a future! Sheesh, talk about a catch 22!

You know what? I’m starting to doubt that advice. I am reminded of the great scene in the movie  “The Graduate.” Dustin Hoffman’s character, Benjamin, has graduated from college. He’s adrift, has no idea what to do. Then at a party at his parents’ house one of his father’s friends offered this advice:

Mr. McGuire: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word.

Benjamin: Yes, sir.

McGuire: Are you listening?

Benjamin: Yes, I am.

McGurie: Plastics.

How simple things were! If your kid asked for your advice today what would you say? Crickets chirping . . . Nope, I wouldn't know either. Maybe I'd say get a good liberal arts education. Wait that won't work, need STEM Well, how about a plumber? I KNOW they can at least make at least 12 bucks an hour!

Oh and for you foodies out there who are visiting all these great, new restaurants – please tip well. (Cleverly, this will tie into the Big Thought - I think.)

Clothes Make the Man? Ha!

(Yes, I'm going to rant again.) How is it possible that the lovely women of Minnesota are content to go out in public with men who wear tee shirts and hoodies to a nice restaurant (not to mention my favorites; god damned jeans and sneakers!) The ladies look like they at least put some effort into their appearance but the guys? Yuck. Figlios on a Saturday night is not the time to dress like a dip shit. (The only other guy wearing a sport coat besides me was the manager - and I think I looked better.)  Well, maybe that's why the women stared at their phones all evening.

I don’t care what you say, the apocalypse is near!

And Finally . . .

Cheesy Music Videos

I heard this version of “Don’t Be Cruel” on a short lived but terrific cable show called “Magic City” a few years ago. It was playing during some guys funeral and it was really powerful.  It took me a while to track it down but I finally did. It really is a cheesy video but what a great version of the song. (Watch the folks in the background getting into it!)

Billy Swan Don't Be Cruel

Big Things That I Think About 

The End of Work?

Do you remember the Jetsons? (If you’re so young that you don’t then Google it!) We’ve been waiting 50 years and we’re still nowhere near that reality. Airplanes are basically the same. So are cars. Sure, we have smart phones but really all you can do is talk or download apps that do the same old stuff just faster. But maybe that’s actually going to change in the relatively near future. I’m not talking about flying cars or teleporters; I’m talking about something even more amazing – the end of work.

I read a book called The End of Work by Jeremy Rifkin about fifteen years ago. A few recent developments caused me reread it. Damn, he’s a smart guy!

We’ve all seen that a lot of jobs have disappeared never to return. Many went overseas and many simply ceased to exist.  We have long talked about how the rate of change is moving ever faster; companies changing, new products, new processes – new jobs. Yet something is wrong.  Yup, a lot of new jobs have been created but unfortunately there are far too few of them (good paying jobs that is) and far too few people can actually perform them; the so called jobs mismatch. Let’s face it, you’re not going to turn a bunch of auto workers, carpenters and middle managers into app designers or even health care workers. (Although we seem to have a surplus of people starting restaurants and craft beer.) I like to use the analogy of the left handed web designer; companies are creating jobs that basically no one is actually qualified for – and yet expect somehow that they get training for them AND for we taxpayers to pay for it. (I told you this would tie into the article about the chef’s school above!) So all that is causing something even more exciting (or frightening depending on your point of view) and that is increased automation of jobs.

Most people don’t know it but automation has already probably destroyed more jobs than all those that moved to China or Mexico or Viet Nam put together. And it’s only going to get worse (or better.) Just think about the jobs that have already disappeared with simple things like ATMs, travel websites and on line shopping. Or what has happened to newspapers and the music downloads. (Something Mrs Dear Leader can curse about firsthand.) Much more is coming. For example:

Google Driverless Car

The driverless car may seem like a harmless stunt now but look ahead. It’s pretty far from the Jetson’s flying car but the implications are huge. Taxi drivers? Gone. Likely people's love affair with cars  will end (already happening) so the whole auto industry is likely going to change immensely; thousands of jobs? Gone. 

How about trucking? Consider Mercedes Is Making a Self-Driving Semi to Change the Future of Shipping by Wired.Com. This is not some fly by night operation, this is freaking Mercedes! Hundreds of thousands of jobs are likely to disappear in this industry. Think about it; no salary, no benefits, no limited hours of driving. Can trains  be far behind? Or ships?

Giant Robot Ship

I know what you're thinking: who cares, we live in a service economy where we can all work from home and do spreadsheets and attend meetings and stuff. So are all those service jobs safe? Maybe. Maybe not. Behold:

McDonalds Automation

Indianapolis AP Robot

Operating Room of the Future

Automated Farms

Oh, and don't forget about service and shopping!

Future of Service Robots

A LOT of jobs disappearing. This isn’t going to happen this year or next year maybe even ten or twenty years but a lot of people much smarter than me think it’s inevitable. So then what?

Well maybe we'll all end up in up in the Matrix (as in the movie) sort of deal and it won't matter. Come, my little Eveready! (Inside joke for those that have seen the movie - and THAT subject is coming back, I guarantee you!)

More likely it will be something along the lines of Rifkin's thoughts. As he says, it could be a real wonderful thing if most of the work in the world was actually done for us humans: growing our food, building stuff, healing us. And lots of time for leisure pursuits, volunteering, making society a better place, etc. But he also raises the rather important and obvious question: if there’s no jobs for people – or very few people – then how do we do buy the goods and services we need? How do we pay for them if we don’t have jobs? Here’s what I say: that's a very good question!

The only feasible answer, apparently, is one that we will refuse to face until we really have to. That is, according to Rifkin, we’ll need a whole new economic system for distributing the goodies. Capitalism (in whatever bastardized version as it exists today) won’t really work. We also know communism doesn’t work. Sooooo?  

Sooo, that’s another reason that it’s good to be old enough to not have to face it and young enough to enjoy what we have today and say . . .

Take This Job and Shove It  Johnny Paycheck

New Songs for Old Farts

Oh, I have one for you . . . see the song with the poem that follows.

Poems for the Sad State of November

November

"November comes 
And November goes, 
With the last red berries 
And the first white snows.

With night coming early, 
And dawn coming late, 
And ice in the bucket 
And frost by the gate.

The fires burn 
And the kettles sing, 
And earth sinks to rest 
Until next spring."

-  Elizabeth Coatsworth

Sheesh, glad I never met the lugubrious Ms Coatsworth.

Try this . . . Mr November The National (R lyrics but a great song!) Personally, I was never carried in the arms of cheerleaders . . .

Thanks for reading and remember: no matter how bad you have it, it could be worse. For example, you could be either the bride or the groom of this happy Russian Couple (assuming you can tell which is which)  So . . .

      “Be a good citizen of your world . . . and don’t be a dope.”

Quote Du Jour

"If you want to really know what your friends and family think of you die broke, and then see who shows up for the funeral." - Gregory Nunn

A View Askew is the sole property of D Roger Pederson, Mpls MN. You may forward without special permission but if you want to use anything here for your own purposes please send me a request at dpeders2002@gmail.com.

A View Askew